stupid random post

I'm not going to make my blog private. 'cause i realised that i have nth to hide. yarh. i invited some readers larh. but out of all these are people who backstabs me too. Some i never expected, turned out to be the more vicious 2 sided snake. One side you can tell me not to trust her, as she is not as simple as she look. on the other side you are sucking up to her.

Okay. If people are going to make assumptions on who am i blogging about, go ahead. This one is one i don't think you all would expect. Well, alot of people can decipher loads of crap from my blog posts by reading on daily basis and announcing out your latest discovery after reading for the 100th time i guess.

Loser.

I've realised that i've truely learnt alot this period. Not just academically, more than just science, maths, history anything. I've learnt the truth of human nature, how to not trust a person easily and what would a slacken security bring about as well as the consequences brought about when you trust one too easily.

Even the people close to me, closest to me. I do not dare to reveal everything. I don't want history to happen. I just reveal one small damn bit to someone i thought i can trust.

She tells her
She tells her
She modifies it
Wow. I'm a bitch.

yarh. i know i am one.

Of course, I've also learnt about how low someone can stoop to for his/her own entertainment. I don't have anything else to lose, but what have you to gain? Contentment? I don't understand.
Is it my acting that is so wonderful?
Or is it you that is too stupid, IQ way below the level i imagined.

I'm no longer afraid of offending you. I was never afraid. If i was, it is a great insult to myself. I just don't want to offend the people near you, i don't want to start war.

Hey. Now i don't give it a damn. 'cause i thought it through that the people that are able to get along with you are either still ignorant, or they are as low as you.

Come on, assumptions help at this stage. Gossip louder.
NO. JUST COME AND BITCH ME INTO MY FUCKING FACE.

I don't know why am i so bothered over such a stupid issue.'Cause i'm just stupid and have nothing better to do obviously.

I asked yingying what's wrong with me. She told me that nothing was wrong with me. And that i don't have to change myself to suit the taste of others.. Thank you. But i'm not sure. The 'others' seem to be increasing in number. Yarh. They're just jealous of me. Come on, i have nothing for them to be jealous about.

Jade told me that it is a stage that everyone goes through. Where they are not able to trust anyone anymore.
Is this a matter of being about to trust? This is a matter of trusting people and they backstab me one by one without hesitation.

WITHOUT ANY HESITATION. LIKE I AM SOME TOOL AND TOY FOR THEM TO PLAY.

Yarh. I am. I even have a bloody fucking rate.

Some one just told me that i am remembered as a cute girl. wow. cute. wrong. people think that i am acting cute. I have to change. I am changing, i am changed. I am no longer that cute girl. Well, to you all. I never was, i had been acting cute all my life and now it's time for me to face that fact that i'm bitchy, not cute.

Sorry, but you're right. What happen to that cute girl? I'm no longer cute. I am a bitch now. Who is hated and backstabbed like no ones business and now here blogging in a bitch manner when she is not happy. And trying to AA all the time when she's emo by doing all this.

Yarh. GET THE FUCKING POINT?

Yingying is so right. No matter how i try to perfection myself. No matter how another person is contributing, so perfect, she is also rated as the worst stage still. Though the raters do nothing but to see and comment on other people's action.

In front, you try to suck up.
Behind: WOW I HATE HER.
i see that. i saw that. you just did that right in front of my face. and i so believe that she can see that too. only that you all probably don't know 'cause anyone who is not blind can see it through your fucking face.

I don't like you going around placing price tags all over me. I'm not an iten. I'm a person with feelings. Don't label me with whatever you feel like.
When i say that i don't care and don't stoop down, don't give a damn about others of lower social level thn me, i am kiddin myself. In fact, the person who thought of this is just trying to make himself feel better, cause whn a fact in right into your face, you can't just ignore it.

These few days, i had been having all those horrible dreams, that i'm left alone. in the morning, i don't want to wake up. Not because i don't want to go to school. most of the time. i'm already awake, after a night's dream, breaking out in cold sweat, but the main reason is cause i'm afraind that all my dream will be true. At night, i don't want to sleep, cause i don't want to experience it all over again.

In my dream, i'm trapped in some room, with some people going to harm another. i tell them, no one gives me a damn. I am thn locked up. when i call for my mum, my dad, my friends, no one who passes by even look into the window. All those who did just stuck their tongue out. The room is dark, dim, creepy. I never want to be there again. The worst thing is the sense of loneliness that i felt inside the room, like i could rely on no one.

yes, i am AAing with my blog post. you can just fuck off and don't read. If you are reading this and think that i am AA thn it's cause you just love me too much or you just have nothing better to do and want to find another topic to gossip about me.